Thursday, November 26, 2009

Acceptance


Today is a great day. It is Thanksgiving. They do not celebrate it here, but that does not matter. I still reflect today on everything for which I am thankful. At the top of the list, as always, is my family and my friends. You have all been very supportive and positive while I have been away and I'm so grateful. I'm healthy, and I'm happy. And what's more, I have had a great time in Costa Rica and learned so much. As I was walking home from class tonight I let myself get lost in thought (something I generally avoid since you should always be aware while walking by yourself in San Jose). I cannot explain the serene feeling that came over me as I thought about my life at this moment. I no longer expect anything to go as planned. Nothing you think will happen in Costa Rica happens, and everything you don't expect does. I have learned more than ever to go with the flow. Things will get accomplished, and in the end it will work out; the path will just be different than you plan. So I have stopped planning. I don't mean all types of planning. It is still necessary to have a general idea of what you are going to try to do that day. But as far as details go? Forget about it. You may as well enjoy the ride, because there is no avoiding it. If you ask directions to one place from five different people on the street, you will get five different answers. So you either pick the one that sounds most promising, or you try to create a frankenstein compilation of their answers, and start walking. If you get lost, you will always be able to find your way home eventually. Just like life: If you get lost, you will always find your way back. So pick a direction and start walking. Nothing says you have to stay on the same path. I no longer expect teachers to stick to what they say, for a class to follow the syllabus, or for planned events to have any sort of structure. And you know what? Despite all my fretting over such disorganization...I'm still happy, I'm still alive, I'm still excelling, I'm still learning, and I'm still sane. I lost my ipod over a month ago. I was convinced at that time that I could NOT live without my music in a foreign country where so many things stressed me out and where familar music was a huge comfort. Well I'm still living. It hardly even registers that I don't have an ipod anymore. And a cell phone? Forget about it. I don't need it. I haven't missed it once. Sure it would make meeting up with friends a heck of a lot easier, but it doesn't keep us from meeting up. Sometimes we miss each other, sometimes plans have to be changed on the fly, sometimes people get left behind, and sometimes people get lost. But we all find our way home, and the next day at school we laugh together about what an adventure yesterday was. Therefore, I no longer have expectations about my life. It is oddly liberating. I have still have hopes and dreams, of course. I hope to be happy and healthy and make a difference in the world. I hope to have a family of my own someday, and I hope to have a good job. But I don't need any of these things just like I don't need my music. Life is a constant adjustment. Plans can change in an instant and you have no control over that most of the time. So instead of perfecting my planning skills, I like the idea of these new coping skills I have started developing. And of course, coping does not simply entail the ability to accept whatever hand life deals you, but also the ability to problem solve as an attempt to still acheive your goal. I don't know what life holds for me. I actually haven't the slightest inkling. I have a great family, great friends, and an amazing guy in my life. I hope I can further my formal education, but I know that I will always be learning for as long as I live. I have no idea what the future will bring. But I know how my present stands. I am stronger than I was when I got here, physically and mentally. I am more at peace with myself. And I am more in love than I have ever been before. At the risk of contradicting everything I just said, I am going to marry him and we are going to brave life together. I don't care what life throws at us, I don't care if we are absolutely poor for years... I know everything will work out in the end. Like my Ma always says, make plans and God laughs (make plans in Costa Rica and God rolls). Love, Meg

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